You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
