sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
