If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
