New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize
