Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
