i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
