And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
