My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
