There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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