Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
