The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
