Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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