I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
