i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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