Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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