Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
