just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
