Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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