somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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