Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
