drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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