Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My liver just had a heart attack.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
