That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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