Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
