I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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