Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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