my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
