if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
