so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
