Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
