My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize