After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize