I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
