I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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