She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
