Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
