We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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