I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
