i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
