Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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