shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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