Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
