Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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