Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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