his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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