I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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