Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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