You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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