she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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