Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
