He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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