I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
