im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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