textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
