sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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