So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Who died my cat blue again?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
