I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
