Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
