these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
