Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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