I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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