i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
