By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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