I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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