then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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