Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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