Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
vagina is talking i cant
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
