oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
