Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
