I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
