im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
