someone get that fucking seahorse.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
