I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
