maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
