I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
