Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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