they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
