dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
