time to smoke my breakfast
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
