the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
