This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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