Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize