There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
