Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
