Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
