is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
