Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
